Today became one of those days. you know, the day you do nothing at all for the whole day and then once it goes dark everything happens. I woke up knowing it was not going to be a good day. I cried. They were neccessary tears though, so I accepted it. (ps. where are my glasses? ) lmfao anyways. I cried these tears like I was so post to. All i kept on thinking was it is all going to be okay soon. One day I will be able to pass that certain day of the month and not cry.. It really is hard to cope alone. Yes I have all these people around me, who want to be there for me. Yet, I dont think they understand. They can not feel the pain and guilt I go through on a daily basis. I think thats what brings me faster to my closure. That I coping on my own. Just proves how strong I really am. makes me smile and hopefully it is making those indivduals up in heaven proud as well. My mom mention how her and my father were taling and were saying they were proud of me. I mean yeah all parents should be proud of their own children. But the way she said proud was a different proud. I do not know how to explain it, but it made me happy. All i want in life is too make my parents happpy. legit. if i did that already then sweet for me =] On sundayy my dad was talking to one of his friends and i heard him mentioning i made the president’s honors list at school. it just made me feel good inside. not cause the conversation was about me, but it was about HIM feeling proud of his daughter. Im glad i can give that to my parents. hopefully this semester i can make the list againn. except this fuckin english class is the death of me. ha. anyways. like im so post to be working on my paper and here i am writing about nothing… whatever =] i layed in bed all day so i do not think im going to sleeep anytiime sooon. I am also waiting for someone to text me, but i know that is not happpening. anyways i want a tatttoo. i have the designed picked out and everything. i just need to come to terms with the idea, but i cant. lol I also want to go home. like exit 140 home.. im getting homesick. like i miss waking up to my crystal or the fact i use the downstairs bathroom when i wake up instead of the upstairs bathroom. I miss waking up to my mother screaming to my dad or vice versa. or her even yelling at me. lmfao. love you mom<333 i miss noises at night. this old people place is way too quiet. haha. so hopefully this weekend i can go homeeeee. okay well i think ill bounce to make some mac and chessse and refilll on mah coffeee. =]

                                              Peace and love<3333333

 So this is my last night up north. spring break was mucho fun. it was extremely neeeded. i hung out everyday with lourdes. =] i seriously love her. me and her are tooo much. lourdes: i think i need to shut this door, im staring at bitches.  hahaha love it! i also got to see Richie =] we havent seen each other since the summer, but right when i saw him ruunnning down the hill it was like i just saw him last week. i love friends like that. you do not neccessarily have to see them everyday, yet your still close<3 School and work monday. ugh. back to reality. yum. other than the annoyance of school and work ive been really happy lately. no more unnecessary emotions takking over my mind. ha! I think i juust need to take one day at a time, make money, and be happy. I do not want to think ahead anymore it really just causes me to go insane.. thats what i learned this week. “just take one day at a time” its a good quote, and a good mottto. =] well im done this was pointless but i just felt like writing. i have homework to do now. yum

——peace and love <3

i’ve begun to realize that I am a mess. I have so many thoughts and conflicts running in my head I just do not know how to deal with them all. Ive been really emotional lately. and I am not too sure why. I mean, yeah college is becoming more and more stressful And work is just an annoyance. but there has been other things i’ve been going through. My aunt, my cousin, and myself are moving into a house this weekend. It is actually something i am looking forward too. but moving? again? this will be the third time in less than a year i will have to pack up my stuff and unpack it at a new place agaiiiin.  Besides school, work, and moving. Boys are beginning to be a problem.. A poison song i love is called “i wont forget you” clearly its the story of my life. “I wont forget you, even though i should”. I mean this is something personal in my life that not even i could “blogg” about but i need to not talk to my ex anymore. It just cause frustration and tears everynight. I do not deserve that. I know I dont. honestly the only man in my life that makes me smile is my father! seriously if it was not for my parents i dont know how i would get by. A month ago i legit had a nervous break down about waffle fries (yeah dont ask =]) but i called my mom up and just broke down and cried for an hour. And she was on the phone just listening to me vent. After i calmed down i realized how stupid i was, but i was happy my mom did not judge me or tell me i was being ridiculous. She just let me cry. ha! thanks mom! =] yeah i really need to learn to move on. it is stopping me from being me and making new friends! why do that to myself? why stick with something that just causes me to cry when i could be hanging out with someone else who makes me happpy =]

 Well anyways, tomorrrow is my last day of schoool. thennnn spring break<3 finally i can relax. I also took off from work so i really can relax.. i need it. Im actually going up north spring break. ii need to be with my parents, especially my father. I miss him so much. I miss our random outbursts and catch phrases that irritate my mom to the point she screams at us ;) haha. and breakfast<3 0mg dont i miss harshbrowns and bacon and eggs.. I never thought i say this, but i really do miss being at home. But i am on my own now(kinda) and i always know i can go home whenever. however, i do not miss north jersey trafffic. down here it is so nice<3 except for rt. 88. one line highwayyy, just does not work for me. i mean i could listen to jay-z(the black album) but someone toook it from me( :) lmao!)

i do not know if ill write on this everyday. probably not. but it is something i want to keep alive. i need it in my life right now. being 55miles away from my parents and bestfriends, i need something close<3 something i can go to no matter where i am.

—-Peace and love<3